What is true love exactly? Have you ever felt it, or are you still looking? Learn the signs to know if you’re experiencing the greatest love of all.
So what is true love really? Can you recognize the signs of true love the minute you see it? Understanding love is like understanding the air we breathe. We know it’s all around us, and yet we can’t see it.
Is true love even real? If you’ve ever been through a heartbreak, you might find yourself questioning whether love is really all that great. Yet, in the end, love really does conquer all. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]
Is love at first sight real?
This is something most people misunderstand, and we need to dispel this myth right away.
True love isn’t felt in a heartbeat or in a second glance. True love takes time to take shape. And contrary to popular belief, love at first sight isn’t really love at all. In fact, love at first sight is nothing but an infatuation – a strong surge of romantic and sexual emotions that overwhelm you.
Before you wonder what true love is all about and what the signs of true love really are, you need to understand that it’s very important to take things slow in a relationship if you want to ensure its success. [Read: The 9 stages of love all couples have to go through]
The definition of true love
If true love isn’t about falling head over heels in love with someone, what is it then?
True love, ironically, can’t be defined. It’s the kind of love many of us chase after, but few truly find or realize it until it’s too late. So what is true love really?
1. You can’t control it
If you think love is something you choose, you’re wrong. Love is actually an uncontrollable feeling.
Neuroscientist Gabija Toleikyte believes these feelings reach deep into our subconscious. If you think this feeling is created in the moment, your brain has been processing this already in advance. [Read: 12 ways to know if you’ve experience unconditional love]
2. It’s linked to biology
Well, here is where the whole idea of love becomes unromantic. Biologically, the feeling of love allows human beings to focus on one person for mating purposes. Essentially, this gives humans enough time to bond, make a baby, and nurture the child.
We know you probably think it’s about finding your soulmate. But actually, it’s about keeping the species alive. [Read: What are you feeling? Is it love or lust?]
3. Love is a different experience for everyone
Here’s the thing, the feeling of love isn’t uniform. You will experience love differently than anyone else will. Remember, we’re all different.
How we were raised and the way we think about love plays a factor. If your family was very affectionate, you’ll probably associate love with affection. Though, if someone isn’t as affectionate, that doesn’t mean they aren’t loving people.
4. True love is about accepting the bad and good
True love is about accepting their bad qualities. We all have bad qualities, it’s a part of being human. However, to love someone is knowing their bad qualities, yet, still wanting to be with them and share happiness with them.
Sure, they always burp at the table and it pisses you off, but at the end of the day, you accept it without even blinking. That is love. [Read: Why oxytocin can be toxic to flawed relationships]
5. It’s intense
Understanding what is love can be a little tricky especially when trying to divide love and lust. However, there are some feelings that differentiate the two. Love is intense. You’re moody, your energy is bouncing off the walls, you feel drunk.
Lust is when you physically want that person. But love, while physical, is also highly emotional and mental. You don’t necessarily need to have sex with them; y ou just want to be around that person all the time. [Read: The typical signs of lust and how to turn it into love]
6. Your brain is highly active
When you’re in love, your brain is put to work. Dopamine and serotonin levels are at their highest. These hormones activate your rewards system in your brain; your focus, energy, craving, and motivation are all activated.
This is why when you’re in love, you feel like you can do anything and you actually do things that you normally wouldn’t do. You’re on a love high.
7. Love isn’t abusive
Of course, love will make you angry and cry—this is a part of it. However, love isn’t supposed to mentally, emotionally, or physically degrade or suppress you. That isn’t love. Your partner should stand beside you, make you feel free.
If that’s not the case, then you know that they don’t love you. That can be hard to hear, but it’s the truth. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship?]
8. Love doesn’t have to be sexual at first
There are many people who fall in love with people that they never thought they would want to sleep with. Love doesn’t have to start off with sexual attraction. It can start off with an emotional or mental connection and develop into physical attraction.
Love is weird, what can we say. [Read: What is real love, and 15 special ways it sets itself apart]
9. Love can last a lifetime
This is always a question people ask – can love last forever? We think it can. Though, we believe it takes on different forms with time. When you’re in love during the honeymoon period, it’s a different love than being with that person for ten years.
The connection grows, it deepens, life experiences change you and your partner. Though it may not be that intense feeling, it doesn’t mean it’s not love. [Read: What type of attraction is most vital for true love?]
Experiencing true love in your life
Is true love a once in a lifetime experience? Not really. You can experience it many times over, and with many people at the same time. You can experience true love with your spouse or your lover, your children and any other person you’re attached to in your life.
But true love too, can fade with time. For most of us, our first love is the first time we would have experienced the purest form of true love.
We aren’t afraid to let this special someone deep into our heart and we aren’t afraid to experience heartbreak because we still don’t know what heartbreak feels like. We’re fearless in love and we love passionately with all our hearts.
But when the first romance dies, the true love we had for our first partner too eventually fades, even if it takes years and several new relationships to overcome. [Read: How your first love affects all your future relationships]
You can’t force true love
True love has to be experienced naturally and wholeheartedly. You can’t fake true love no matter how hard you try. If a couple fails to pass the test of compatibility in their infatuation stage, it’s pretty hard for both of them to ever experience true love.
On the other hand, if both partners can understand each other and relate to each other, they’ll start to love each other’s company and start to become inseparable. And eventually, this bond will turn into a pure and selfless love that we call true love. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your real compatibility instantly]
The biggest signs of true love in a perfect romance
True love may be hard to define, but the signs to read true love can be clearly seen in every loving relationship. If you’re in a relationship and want to know if you’re experiencing the purest form of love, use these simple signs of true love to find out for yourself.
1. Give and take in love
You give to the relationship wholeheartedly, without any desire or expectations of getting something back in return from your partner to justify your actions. You don’t give your partner something, in the hope that you get something back in return.
Just the thought of doing something nice for this person fills your heart with happiness. [Read: 15 signs of a taker in a relationship – Are you a giver or a taker?]
2. They fill you with pure happiness
Just watching this special person smile or laugh out loud fills you with intense happiness, even if you’re suffering or having a hard day.
This may sound pretty hard to imagine for someone who’s not experienced true, blissful love. But when you truly love someone deeply, the empathy you feel towards them makes you experience the same feelings of joy or pain they’re experiencing.
3. Pain and anger
You get terribly hurt when your lover upsets you, but their actions never anger you. You may get annoyed or frustrated now and then momentarily, but you just can’t stay mad at them for long. Staying mad or giving them the silent treatment hurts you more. [Read: The effective way to give someone the silent treatment in a relationship]
4. Support them through thick and thin
Your partner will have dreams and hobbies. If you’re truly in love with them, you’ll support their desires, so long as they’re not harmful to you or anyone else. Even if you don’t fully understand their dreams, you still cheer them on and support them to achieve their goals.
5. You care for them
It’s unconditional love. You care for them no matter what happens. Through injury, illness, or even just hard emotional times, you’re by their side.
This isn’t something that’s easy to do, even when you unconditionally love someone. Your partner may end up going through really hard times that’ll be difficult for you to stick through. But if your love for each other holds strong through it all, that’s true love. [Read: 21 heartfelt ways to show someone you care and make them feel loved]
6. It’s putting away your pride to make things right
You’re going to have disagreements now and then. Any couple that doesn’t have disagreements at some point are either both lying or they’re not truly in love.
Generally, the whole point of an argument is to win. But when you love someone, you don’t argue with them to win, but to understand their point of view.
And if you truly do love them, and you realize you’re wrong, you’ll bite the bullet, swallow your pride, apologize to them and learn from the disagreement. [Read: 23 do’s and don’ts to remember when arguing in a relationship]
7. You make secret sacrifices for them
You make sacrifices for their happiness or well-being, even if they may never realize it. A relationship based on true love is a partnership of two people who are givers.
You may be a taker with most people, but when you love someone truly, you’ll find yourself turning into a giver who takes pleasure in pleasing your partner in little ways.
8. The right effort
You go to great lengths and make an effort to improve the relationship, and play a conscious part in trying to please your partner and make them feel loved and special. [Read: How to be more romantic – 15 gestures that’ll make anyone melt]
9. You show your love through your gestures
You can’t expect love to last if you’re never putting in any effort. That fire won’t stay lit unless you stoke it and add something to help it burn. That something is your affection.
When you’re in true love, you make sure your partner knows how much you love them, through words and through gestures. [Read: The 25 sweetest, romantic gestures for everyday life]
10. You can’t ever hurt them
When you’re truly in love with someone, you can’t even imagine hurting them, emotionally or physically. Payback and revenge is a strong human instinct, but true love makes you completely selfless towards them.
11. You keep your promises
When you make a promise to them, you stick to your word even if this person will never find out if you broke that promise. When you experience true love, your moral conscience becomes very strong when it comes to this one special person.
You stick to your principles, and do everything you possibly can to keep any promises you made to the one you love. [Read: 15 real relationship goals most couples have no idea about]
12. Lift them up when they’re down
You love your significant other and you want to make sure they’re happy. So, when they’re feeling down, you want to help cheer them up. This means you’ll try and try hard to make them feel better when they’re down.
13. You become selfless
True love is not selfish. When your significant other is having a hard time, you put your own needs aside to help them. Of course, your partner should do the same for you too.
It’s not easy to be selfless, especially when you have a hard day yourself. but just the thought of making your partner feel better, makes you feel better. [Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that sets it apart from selfish love]
14. You see them in your future
In a perfect relationship, it’s good to have your own space to grow as individuals. But at the same time, if you truly love your partner, you’d see them as a very big part of your life.
When you think of your future, you can’t help but see them close by your side. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and come closer]
And you do that even if you don’t really have to. You can’t bear to see this special someone suffering. If they’re dealing with some issue, you’re always willing to offer them a helping hand even when you have your own difficulties to look into.
16. You love them for their flaws
Everyone has flaws. Your partner will definitely have flaws. True love isn’t about being blind to those things; instead, it’s about loving those aspects of who they are, anyways.
If your significant other is always forgetful, you might get frustrated sometimes but overall, you’ll learn to love that about them. It’ll be a cute quirk instead of a hindrance and that’s what true love is. [Read: How to not be annoying and be everyone’s best friend]
17. You remember the little things
There will be a lot of stuff you’ll learn about your significant other. True love is about remembering the small, but very important, details. It’s about knowing they hate pepper on their food and making sure the waiter takes down the order right.
It’s about knowing their dog’s birthday because that animal is one of the best things in their life. Making an effort to know the small things and show that you’ve been paying attention. That is what true love is about. [Read: 13 very powerful, yet small gestures that show how much you love someone]
18. It’s wanting the best for them even if it means less for you
Some people won’t be happy with you. It’s just the truth, as hard as that is to accept. If it’s true love you feel for them, you’ll want the best for them even if that means you’ll be unhappy.
We’re not saying you should give in to someone else’s will just because you love them. This means that you’re willing to give up on a few things if it’ll make your partner’s life happier or better in some way.
19. Pride and jealousy
You beam with pride when they achieve something, even if it’s the same thing you failed at. You may feel jealous of a friend who outdid you, but when you love someone, jealousy never enters the picture. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]
20. Suffering
You’re be willing to suffer, just to see them happy. Of course, while this is indeed a sign of true, unconditional love, you still have to make sure your partner doesn’t ever take these gestures for granted.
And if it’s true, mutual love, you’d know deep in your bones that your partner would do the same for you too.
21. Their perspective
Everything you do, you keep your lover in mind and think from their perspective, be it about planning a surprise party or hanging out with your own friends after work.
You don’t ever want to hurt your lover, so you always think from their point of view before making any decision that involve them in any way. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules to ensure you have the best romance]
22. You actively want to support them in their dreams
This is something a lot of people don’t realize because, yes, you should always support those you care deeply about. However, there’s a difference in doing so because you HAVE to and doing so because you WANT to.
If it’s real love, you’ll want to support them because you want to see them happy.
23. You do things to make them happy, despite how you feel about it
This doesn’t mean doing things that go against your morals or anything serious like that. We’re talking about waking up with them at 5 a.m. to make them breakfast even if you don’t have to be up until at least 7. [Read: How to set boundaries – 10 crucial steps to feel more in control]
24. They’re the first person you want to tell about events in your life
This is an often overlooked characteristic of real love.
If you immediately think about someone whenever something significant happens to you, and all you want to do is run and tell them, it’s real love. Wanting someone to be included in every aspect of your life is what real love is about. [Read: How to know when you’re in real love – 50 signs you just can’t ignore]
25. They feel like home
If you’re unfamiliar with how this feels, then you don’t know what real love is like just yet. Real love feels like home.
It feels like no matter what, going back to that person feels like you’re at home – no matter where you actually are.
26. They’re your family
Family doesn’t always mean someone you’re married to or blood related to. You can make your own family with those around you who you really love.
If it’s real love, you’ll feel as though that person is a part of your life like they’re family. [Read: Family orientated – The meaning and what it means to be this person]
27. It’s a slow burning feeling
Maybe people confuse passion with love. The two are not interchangeable. Sure, you can have passion in real love, but passion is also something that is often there in the beginning of new relationships.
Real love is more of a slow-burning feeling. It feels warm and it’s always there, and sometimes it’ll heat up hotter than usual, and sometimes it’ll simmer down. But no matter what, the fire keeps burning. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]
28. There are no boundaries
Real love has no boundaries. If you’re truly in love with them, you love them under any circumstances. Your love for them has no conditions.
No matter what happens to them or with them, you’re still in love.
29. Jealousy is nearly non-existent
Real love has no room for jealousy. Sure, you’ll have the occasional bout of jealousy in certain situations, and that’s normal. But there is no consistent feeling of being jealous of someone else.
Why? Because if it’s real love, you feel secure in that relationship with that person. [Read: What a happily ever after? Look for these 14 signs of love in your romance]
30. You never feel judged
This is the biggest thing that makes love real. If you can go to your partner with anything and have no fear about being judged or how they feel about you, it’s real love.
31. Your life feels better with them in it, but you don’t NEED them
A lot of people mistake needing someone in their life with real love. The truth is, it’s not healthy or natural to NEED someone in your life. If it’s real love, you WANT them in your life because they make it better. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]
32. Real love is an action
What is real love? Well, real love isn’t just a feeling, but an action. It’s actively being in their life, and showing that you love and care about them every single day.
If you just feel love for them but don’t do anything to actively show them this because you don’t have a desire to, it’s not real love.
33. Acceptance
Accepting of your love and who you are together is what real love is. It’s knowing all of your faults together and still wanting to be with that person despite the hardships. [Read: Love is in the air! 13 signs you’re starting to fall in love]
34. It’s comfortable
Real love is one of the most comfortable feelings there is. You just feel content in life and comfortable with where you are – even if you have difficulties going on.
It’s the feeling of just being who you are and living your life the way you want with someone who feels the same.
35. It’s feeling happy despite the hardships in your life
No matter what’s going on in your life, if you have real love, you have happiness there. Even if you’re going through a really hard time and you’re miserable, there is still an underlying happiness that lingers. [Read: Real soulmates – 20 signs you’ve met the love of your life already]
36. You think of them when they aren’t around
While this is definitely a sign of true love, it can also be a sign of a lot of other things. A crush, an infatuation, even jealousy can cause you to obsess over someone when they are not around.
Love is not you wishing they would text you back or notice you. It is when you’re at the grocery store and you’re thinking about what they would like. It’s when you see something funny and wish they were there to see it too. [Read: What is true love? The honest truth you didn’t really expect]
37. You feel safe with them
This is important. Feeling safe with someone isn’t just feeling like they wouldn’t put you in danger, but knowing that they would protect you from danger, whether physical or otherwise. It is an important tool to recognizing love.
Vulnerability and trust are cornerstones of any good relationship. Without them, you will crumble. Feeling safe is about knowing you can let go and be yourself without a fallout. That kind of safety is more than just comforting, it’s true love. [Read: How to know if your partner is truly supportive of your goals]
38. They are there for you
Love is great, but actions speak louder than words. If someone says that they love you, but cannot come through when you need them, their words will ring false. Love is a two way street and you have to get as much as you give in order for it to work.
That can mean keeping promises to each other, coming through in times of hardship, and generally being there for each other. Being there for you means something different for everyone, but it has to be right for you. [Read: 15 good qualities of a person that make them a very good human being]
39. You are happy to compromise with them
Compromise is difficult. When you love someone, that desire for them to be happy makes compromising a lot easier. You are willing to give up certain things for love and the desire to be together.
It is important to note that the type of compromise also matters here. When you want to share the last slice of pizza instead of having it for yourself, it could be infatuation. But when you are happy to move further away than you planned so that your partner can pursue their dream job, it is love.
40. You can’t imagine breaking up
No one loves breakups. But in the case of infatuation, you could probably imagine yourself moving along fairly quickly. Sure, you may not want a relationship to end because of a fantasy, you don’t want to be single, or for a ton of other reasons.
But when it is love, you don’t want the relationship to end because you don’t want to lose them. [Read: How to overcome the fear of losing someone you love]
41. You feel stable
Sometimes the drama of a tumultuous relationship can be fun… for a little while. But the roller coaster gets old fairly quickly.
True love is stable, it is calming and feels safe, not wild and volatile. Some people confuse a high level of emotion for love, *for example, oh they only yell at me because they care, etc* but this is a mistake.
Love isn’t supposed to be hurtful, or a constant cycle of breaking up and getting back together. You can recognize true love by its safety and stability. [Read: Infatuation vs love – how to know the vital differences]
42. They know the real you
Just like you can “fall in love” with the idea of someone, they can fall in love with the idea of you. But this idea isn’t the real you. Instead, your partner may have an image in their head of what they expect you to be, and when you stray from that they become upset.
True love knows the real you. Both the version of you that you put out for others to see, and the version that you are when you are comfortable at home. True love recognizes all parts of you, and loves you just the same. [Read: Emotional attachment vs. love – Is there a difference?]
43. You are an equal partner
Being in control isn’t about controlling your partner. Being in control means you’re in control of yourself and being treated as an equal. Your partner treats you as an equal, and respects your differences of opinion.
This means they don’t make you do things you aren’t comfortable with. They don’t manipulate you into situations that you cannot handle. [Read: Are you being love-bombed? How to understand this manipulation of love early on]
44. It feels right with them
This is an annoying cliche, but it has stuck around for a reason. It doesn’t help you make sense of how you feel, but sometimes when you’re in love, you just feel it. You can’t describe it but it just feels right, like it fits. [Read: The real relationship facts to understand about true love]
45. You don’t hide anything
You’re not quickly hiding your Tinder app on your phone or dodging your Friday night date because you met someone the other night. Why would you?
You’re in love, baby! You have nothing to hide, nor do you want to hide anything from them. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]
46. You’re done with the games
You don’t need to wait three hours to text them back. In fact, you text them all the damn time and probably send them toilet or double chin selfies. You hold nothing back because love isn’t about games.
Dating is games. Love is about finding your soulmate.
47. You respect each other
This may be shocking for some, but love is based on respect. If you don’t respect your partner, then how do you expect to be with them? People who respect each other stay together. [Read: How to show respect in a relationship and love each other better]
48. You’ve stopped looking for better
When you’re dating, you’re always comparing people – who’s better looking, who’s smarter, blah blah blah. But when you’re in love, you couldn’t less about anyone else.
You don’t lose your ability to see another good-looking person, but you’re not going crazy wishing you could be with them. [Read: How to make a relationship last – 19 love commandments]
49. You laugh
Love is all about positivity. If you’re always laughing with your partner, and we mean a genuine laugh, that shows your attraction to them on a deeper level.
Couples that laugh together, stay together. [Read: Real soulmates – 20 signs you’ve actually met the love of your life]
Are you experiencing true love?
If you’re in a relationship and aren’t experiencing these true love signs, don’t fret. Perhaps, your relationship hasn’t reached the state of emotional maturity that surpasses physical attraction or the stage of infatuation.
Take your time and test the waters. You can’t fall in love with someone by forcing yourself into the relationship. If it’s not working out, try to understand each other better. And if nothing you do can bring happiness back into love, perhaps both of you would be better off dating other people. [Read: 25 things to talk about to create a truly happy relationship]
But at the same time, if both of you are already happy in the relationship, don’t try to change anything about it. Sometimes, selfless and unconditional love takes a long time to materialize. Remember, you can’t push yourself into the next stage in love unless both of you are ready for it.
As long as your lover and you are happy and understand each other, you’re already experiencing the perfect kind of love!
[Read: Being in love – 15 amazing things only being in true love can give you]
What is true love? We hope these signs of true love and its real meaning has helped you understand what true selfless love really means.
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.